I think I won the penis lottery.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
