Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
