He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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