All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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