wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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