I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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