Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
