Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
