i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
