Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
