just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
