You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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