Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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