The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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