How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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