i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
