mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
