We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
