god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
