She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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