He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
