the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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