dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
