she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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