Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood