nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.