we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.