two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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