she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes