remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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