when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
