Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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