dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your cock deserves a montage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
