I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
