Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
