my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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