If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
