How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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