I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
