GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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