I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
