All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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