I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
