Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
