I'm really into asian looking animals
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
