i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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