why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
