I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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