I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
