so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
