so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need water and some morals
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