I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
