i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
