Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
