KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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