I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
