This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
