Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
