It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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