i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize