He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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