but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
