I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
